And I didn't even have to apply!

I was pondering what to write in today's blog, so I wandered over to my email inbox and look what I found!

Thank you for your interest in a summer position with us.
With the number of applications from well qualified law students such as you, it has been difficult to make a decision. Unfortunately, we are not in a position to grant you an interview at this time.
We appreciate your interest in our firm. As you may be aware, our articling program is much larger than our summer student program. As a result, we encourage you to apply for an articling position with us in April.
All the best in what is left of second year law, and we look forward to speaking with you about our articling program.

This lovely email is from a local (large) firm, if you couldn't tell by the form-letterness of the email. There are several problems with this email, so I've been working on my response...

Dear Coordinator of Student Programs,

There seems to be a mistake. I don't recall being interested to any degree in your firm. Has my identity been stolen by some hapless law student? If so, I commend him/her on being well-qualified but undeserving of an interview. S/he is reminding me of me already.

If my identity hasn't been stolen, then I'm just plain offended that I could be rejected for a job I did not even apply for. (Is it because of my dangling prepositions?) I realize I'm not the sharpest tool in the drawer known as law school (and certainly not the biggest tool either! badabing! Thank you, I'm here all week.) but it is a serious affront to my ego to be sent this (as these are called) "PFO" letter by email. I resent the implications that a) I'm not good enough for your firm and b) I should be demoted to the ranks of second year law student. Hmm, wait. Maybe "demoted" isn't the right word. Maybe school is BETTER than work. I'll take that into consideration.

Irregardless (ack! A non-word!), I would like to thank you for advising me, via mass email, that I am not being considered for a position. I'm sure my boss will be overjoyed to hear that I will not be leaving to move to your illustrious firm. Why would I leave? I do get free parking here, after all.

Sincerely,

Ms. Snarky.