Halfway point

Dear baby,

I made it to the halfway mark of my pregnancy without even realizing I was pregnant... so if you ever look up old blog posts and wonder why I didn't blog about my pregnancy earlier, that is why. I hope you don't think your mother is incompetent. I had an inkling I might be pregnant, but so many other reasons also existed for my fatigue, stress, loss of appetite, um, anyway.

The good news is, you're almost here! In less than five months we'll get to see your face. Your real face, not your scary ultrasound face. Your daddy and I are super excited. Your dog, Kodi, would be excited if she had any idea what was going on. Trust me, she's just itching for a new face to lick. She has a cough right now, but that didn't stop her from trying to eat one of the Christmas tree ornaments. Oh well. Hopefully by the time she meets you, she'll be less prone to eating things she shouldn't.

According to a pregnancy calendar site I visit sometimes, you are as big as a banana, carrot, or butternut squash. I find that last one hard to believe. Have you seen a butternut squash? Those things are gigantic. This pregnancy calendar lists a wide variety of issues that can occur to your mommy during pregnancy. None of those things have yet happened, but we've got a long way to go, so I'll keep you posted. It also says that by now I should be feeling your kicks easily, possibly even outside the belly. Hmm. Once again, I will keep you posted. The ultrasound tech said you were quite active, but darned if I could tell.

Baby, we are grateful to God that you're on your way. Can't wait to meet you!

Good reads

We just got back from another fabulous vacation to Mexico where once again, my main activity was lounging on the beach with a good book and a lot of sunblock. On this trip I read almost 3 books, I haven't quite finished the last book. I love reading, but in regular life I find it hard to have the time to read a book and absorb the words I am reading. So that is what vacations are for!

On this trip, I borrowed the novel "Beijing Coma" by Ma Jian from the library. I am always drawn to Chinese writers and when I read the jacket, I immediately wanted to read the entire book. Beijing Coma's protagonist is Dai Wei, a student who was shot in the Tianamen Square protests and who subsequently fell into a coma. While in the coma, he can hear and smell what is going around him, although he can't see, move, or respond in any way, although his body is surprisingly "alert". The book revolves around his memories of the weeks leading up to the massacre and alternates between those memories and what is happening presently around him.

I had never read a book about what happened in the weeks leading up to June 4, 1989, so this was quite an eye opener (although it is fiction, the author bases his characters on real people and real stories.) In 1989, I was only 10, and my dad was quite ill, so I didn't understand what was going on China, except that it was bad. I have read that unfortunately, since China has worked so hard to propagate its own version of what happened (nothing! nothing happened!), young people in China today are barely aware of the Tiananmen Square protests and massacre. The iconic image of the "Tank Man" is not even recognized among Beijing University students. In the new world of China embracing newfound wealth, maybe this isn't surprising, just saddening. It makes me wonder whether we in the western world even realize the extent of what happened, and whether we turn a blind eye to how China censors the truth. Maybe we turn a blind eye too often, preferring the glamourized images of China while citizens lose their homes in favour of big development, choosing to buy cheaply made, potentially dangerous items made in China to save ourselves money.

Beijing Coma struck me because it presented the possibility, many possibilities, you might say, that things could have turned out differently in June 1989. If only this happened, if only that person made this decision ... thousands more would be alive today. An entire nation could have risen up against an oppressive regime. And at the same time, the book illustrated how even great intentions can go horribly out of control. I don't really know how to express how I felt about the book, but maybe you can all have a read for yourselves.

Dear Kodi

Guess what, happy little dog! It's your first birthday today! Yay!

You've now been with us for about 9.5 months and what a delight it's been to have you in our lives. You and I have been through hundreds of walks, lots of doggy park time, and tons of cuddles at home. Plus, you've learned a multitude of tricks. In the last few months you have started to learn the names of your toys, so that if I ask you to go and find your monkey, you no longer stare at me like "What the heck is a monkey? Is it food?" You have also learned to walk SLIGHTLY better than you did before obedience class. The first half of our walk always involves me getting a little mad, which I know I shouldn't do. I'm sorry. It's just that you weigh almost 65 lbs and it's really difficult to hold you back when you lunge forward.

You've also become better at balancing toys and treats on your head. I have some good pictures of you doing this that I will upload later on. You do, however, drool like a faucet turned on when a treat is in the works or when your dinner is hitting the bowl or when you think we're eating something delicious. It's kind of funny, but also a little gross.

Kodi, sometimes I don't know what comes over me, but I think about how one day you'll leave us. It makes me incredibly sad and I know I shouldn't dwell on some unknown future day. I should instead think about loving you now, and giving you a good and happy life. I know God created you and part of me hopes that there's a place in some sort of heaven for you so that maybe one day, if you should pass on and I should pass on, we'll see each other again. Sounds ridiculous, I know. I try not to think about it. One night recently I was very sad because I thought about this again and I thought about how I had yelled at you that day for pulling me. The nice thing is that you always forgive and forget when I'm mad. It's part of being a dog, I guess, life just moves on and you live in the present.

Anyway. Daddy and I are very proud of the dog you've become over the last year. You are an incredibly good dog. You rarely chew on anything that isn't yours and you sleep quietly by yourself when we're not home instead of tearing the house apart. You are still scared of the hair dryer and vacuum cleaner and anything that is large and makes loud noises. You don't tear apart all of your toys, and your favourite is still the Christmas toy we got you as a baby. You will eat anything we give you, or at least you'll try it once. Whenever I come home, you run to the door with a toy in your mouth, ready to play, and you greet me like you haven't seen me in years, even if it's only been a few hours. Above all, you always listen to us and I don't think you would talk back even if you could, because you love us too. Thank you for brightening up our lives. I hope in this next year, we are as good to you as you have been to us.

More relationship stuff

I went out with a good friend recently and we had a long conversation about relationships. We always talk about relationships but this time was different. She told me a lot more than she usually does and I appreciated the open and honest nature of our discussion. One of the things she told me was that she knows a lot of eligible, single guys with many great qualities... but that many of these guys didn't want to enter into a relationship because they were afraid of losing their freedom.

I found this incredible at first - do people really see marriage and commitment as the "old ball and chain", as the great limitation upon personal freedom? I guess so!

She talked about how her pastor had listed the top five benefits to being single, and the top five benefits to being in a relationship. All of the benefits to being single amounted to freedom. All of the benefits to being in a relationship amounted to a lack of loneliness. And that is where I realized that freedom and loneliness are not so far apart. Interesting. I've never thought of that. I've never felt like getting married meant a loss of freedom. Kind of the opposite actually, since I didn't have a ton of freedom while living at home anyway.

Anyway. I'm just rambling today. So here's another unrelated question for you. I'm not sure where I came up with this one, but work with me here.

Let's say you are in a relationship with A. Maybe one that is serious, maybe not that serious, it doesn't really matter. Not married, though, since that throws too much of a wrench in this problem. Let's say that sometime before you had this current relationship with A (it could be months, years even), you had feelings for B, but something just didn't work out. Let's say they were strong feelings, and you were disappointed when the potential fizzled. Let's say that B now has feelings for you and if you gave it a shot, the relationship with B could work out. It could be worse than, the same as, or better than your relationship with A... in other words you don't really know whether it will work out with B. But it could. Let's say you haven't thought about your feelings for B in a long time, but they might still be there.

Question: 1) would you want to know about B's feelings? 2) if you did know, would it affect your relationship with A?

Grandma (poh-poh)

Grandma, it's been many years since you passed away. Sixteen years, I think. I have so many memories of you and always wish we could have had more time together. God called you home in exactly the way you would have wanted, quickly and without pain, but in my opinion, it was still far too early. But I know it's okay, because now you get to spend eternity with Him.

I remember how you would come and stay with us from Seattle, taking the Greyhound by yourself even though you couldn't speak any English. You used to ask why we would buy things like French fries, since you could just make them at home instead. You made the best beef jerky - no store-bought kind can ever match up. You loved to watch Family Ties (Alex was your favourite) and I never understood how you could watch an English show or what you really thought was going on. Actually, once you surprised us by responding "I don't know" when we asked you something. I guess you must have picked up some English over the years. You taught me how to peel the roots off of bean sprouts and how to wash rice properly. You told me to marry a Chinese guy (so that his family would pay for the wedding) and although I always laughed, guess what, I ended up marrying one after all.

What I loved most about you though, Grandma, was your love and faithfulness for God. You never had the opportunity to get an education but somehow you still studied the Bible and memorized verses. You always encouraged us to do what was right and to work hard.

I think I've learned even more about you since you passed on. Now that I'm older, I'm able to grasp our family's history even better. I know that you were a hard worker all of your life, from being a street vendor to being a mother of many children. You didn't have much schooling, but your math was better than most educated people's math. I know that you made many sacrifices for your family. The family was poor, but you did not let that stop your children from being educated and working hard so that future generations would live a better life.

What would you think of how my life turned out if you were here today? Would you be proud of me? One day I'll get to ask you in person.

It could be the one...

This time, I wonder what it feels like
To find the one in this life, the one we all dream of
But dreams just aren’t enough
So I’ll be waiting for the real thing, I’ll know it by the feeling
The moment when we’re meeting, will play out like a scene
Straight off the silver screen
So I’ll be holding my own breath, right up ’til the end
Until that moment when, I find the one that I’ll spend forever with

Cause nobody wants to be the last one there
Cause everyone wants to feel like someone cares
Someone to love with my life in their hands
There’s gotta be somebody for me like that
Cause nobody wants to do it all on their own
And everyone wants to know they're not alone
There’s somebody else that feels the same somewhere
There’s gotta be somebody for me out there --Nickelback "Gotta Be Somebody"

I hear this song on the radio all the time these days. I had to look up the lyrics since I am terrible at remembering lyrics. It's a very catchy song, one of those songs that you can sing along to without even really knowing it.

Lately I've been thinking about love and life and how to get all of my single friends matched up. Just kidding. Really just kidding. I only think about matching SOME of my single friends up. Um, anyway, where were we. I sometimes wonder what life would be like if I hadn't met the hubby. Would I be out there, trying to meet people? Where would I even go to meet people? If I met someone with "potential", would I make the first move?

I have often been the nosy spectator on the sidelines of my friends' almost-relationships and have thought, "Hmm, if only s/he made some sort of first move, I bet it would all work out." And then it baffles me as to why someone doesn't make any move at all. And then I say to the hubby, "Don't you think [whoever] and [whoever else] would make a great couple?" And then he shrugs. Or says "Absolutely not." Or "I already thought of that months ago." But then nothing happens.

So I am putting this out there: GRAB THE BRASS RING, PEOPLE. Take a chance, make the first move, and see whether the person you are interested in is also interested in you. (Caveat: if you or your friends are fairly certain that the other person is NOT interested - don't jump the gun.) Be a risk taker! There's gotta be somebody out there for you. Even Nickelback says so!

Topic for discussion: why DON'T people make the first move more often?

America the hateful

I'm not much for politics, but the American election is by far more captivating than the Canadian election ever was. I saw this video today on another blog and I couldn't turn it off despite the sickening feeling in my stomach. I know that Americans aren't all like this and neither are all Republicans, but the idea that so many can gather together and spew hatred and lies publicly, with their children nearby - that is beyond upsetting. So much vitriol toward Obama because they think he's Muslim. Even assuming he was Muslim, which he obviously is not, why would that matter? And calling him a baby-killer because of a party stance on abortion... how is that appropriate?

There's so much more to say, but it's just so upsetting.

Mr. Thrifty

That's actually the name of the model skeleton we have in our office...

But this post is actually about saving money.

Last week, I watched an episode of Oprah wherein she promised to show us how the thriftiest family in America could help a struggling family climb out of debt. Judging from blogs I've read, tons of people watched this episode (unsurprising.) I don't think that family offered anything too earth-shattering in terms of money-saving tips. For example, the mom talked about how she rarely ever uses her cell phone, so she managed to find some plan (probably pay-as-you-go where she only has to spend $5/month.) Fine for her, but I actually need my cell phone for more than emergencies. Another tip was to clip as many coupons as possible. Maybe it's just a problem with Canadian stores nowadays, but I find that coupon clipping is challenging. Either only brand-name products have coupons, or the coupons are instead tied to those annoying club cards they make you sign up for (so that they can spy on your shopping habits.)

So instead of rehashing those tips, here are MY money-saving tips, many of which I am still trying to put into practice.

1. Stock up on sale items that you'll need eventually. I am a bit of a hoarder of drugstore type items. Toilet paper, toothbrushes, toothpaste, etc. There will always be TP at my house!

2. Break the Starbucks habit. This is a really obvious one that everyone and their dog mentions. Blah blah, if you get a latte a day you'll spend a gazillion dollars by the end of the year. I am not that much of an addict so my solution is to limit myself to one Starbucks visit a week; less if I can help it. In addition I am trying to bring my own cup to save on paper cups. Starbucks should really offer more than a 5 cent discount for this.

3. Force yourself to save money. We contribute to RRSPs on a monthly basis so that when the end of the year rolls around, it isn't all about scraping together a suitable lump sum for the year.

4. Always put God first. Not specifically a money-saving tip, but still important. My mom always taught me to put in my offering/tithes at the beginning of the month, not with the idea that God will bless you more if you are faithful with your offering, but in recognition of all He has done for you. In so doing, I have found that God always provides just what we need. And in times when I have forgotten, things just don't feel right. Hard to explain. But there you go.

5. Cell phones - look for retention plans if you want more minutes but don't want to spend more. I spent days researching better plans when I wanted to get out of my Bell plan and then poor hubby had to spend at least an hour or two on the phone negotiating new plans. But we came out of that with a great plan with a ridiculous amount of minutes and a low, low price. If you don't use your phone much, try a pay-as-you-go plan like 7-11's Speakout Wireless where your minutes last up to one year.

6. Borrow movies from the library instead of renting. Our library has lots of almost-new releases and older movies. Bonus - a cool DVD dispenser with a little man inside who shoves your DVD at you. No, not really.

7. Borrow books instead of buying. Okay, this is just me - I cannot stand to buy books because I find that I read them quickly and then I don't often read them again. (Exception: my Harry Potter books.) I much prefer borrowing books at the library, reading them, then ditching them. My only concern is that the books are probably covered in germs. Yuck. Wash your hands!

8. Wear more sweaters. Every year we hold out as long as we can before turning on the heat, preferring to keep the house at a cool 16 degrees. This year we have turned the heat on about three times, and then only to 18 degrees. Why would you turn on the heat when you can put on an extra sweatshirt and some warm slippers?

9. Change your lightbulbs to CFLs or LED bulbs. Actually I haven't seen many LED bulbs for sale but CFLs are plentiful. They are often on sale; we bought boxes of 6 for $9 at Canadian Tire in the summer. Saving energy is always a challenge, since it's so much more convenient not to!

10. Eat less. Heh.

Mrs. Poburko

You were my kindergarten teacher and everyone was scared of you. I don't know why they were scared of you, but I know why I was scared.... one day, my friend had a loose tooth and you said you would help her pull it. To my horror, you tied one end of a piece of dental floss to the tooth, and the other end to the closet doorknob. Then you slammed the closet door. The tooth came out. I think I screamed.

Strategery

Now that the election is over, I can tell you who I voted for. In our riding, the incumbent is a Liberal and it was expected to be a hot contest between the incumbent and the Conservative candidate. Well, at least everyone thought it would be a hot contest. I've never met either candidate, although I noticed one's campaign strategy was to stand on busy streets in a suit, waving to commuters, and the other recruited several Chinese people to help phone other Chinese people to sway their vote.

In the week before the election, both the NDP and the Green Party candidate were hinting strongly (or saying outright?) that strategic voting would be, at the least, not a bad thing. You know how it goes - vote Liberal even if you normally vote NDP or Green so that we'll have a chance of defeating the Conservatives. Actually, I considered the opposite - voting Conservative to keep out the incumbent, who I don't particularly like, and who I thought would win. Strategic voting is somewhat controversial. To me, it doesn't represent true democracy, because you'd be voting for someone you didn't really want in office, just to prevent someone you REALLY REALLY didn't want from coming to power. It requires holding your nose when voting, and is that the picture we want to paint during an election in a first world country?

So up until I got to the voting booth (if you could call the cardboard science fair display a "booth"), I wasn't fully decided on how to vote. I eventually went with my gut and voted NDP. I know next to nothing about the NDP candidate, but I like what the NDP stands for, generally. I then fretted over whether I should have voted strategically. Fortunately in the end, it didn't really matter because the Conservative won by a comfortable margin.

Of course, what this reinforces is that proportional representation through a single transferable vote system would resolve the problems seen in a multi-party system like our own. I looked for a site that explained the STV system the best and here is what I found. It has pictures! Though I think their picture of chocolate could have been a little better. Anyway. No doubt at some point, some person much smarter than me will be able to analyze what just happened in our election and tell us roughly who might be sitting in Parliament if we had an STV system. That'll be interesting.

Squishy or spacious?

Just finished reading this article about families who have eschewed the suburban sprawl and larger homes with yards for small apartments in the heart of their cities. This article reminded me of the difference between my brother and I. I have never really desired to live in downtown, although I can see the attraction of living there (that is, if I also worked downtown.) My brother, on the other hand, would love to live in the city, or maybe a bigger city than our own. (No doubt he'll contradict me at some point during this post.)

I used to tell the hubby that I always dreamed about living in an apartment. I have no idea why I wanted to live in an apartment. Maybe it was a Seinfeld or Friends or Mad About You influenced idea. Of course, nobody in New York has apartments as big as on TV. Every time I go to Ikea, I marvel over the showrooms that proclaim, "Live comfortably in 455 square feet!" and display an entire family's life, squeezed into every nook and cranny of a small space. Chairs are folded and hang on the walls, beds are one step away from the kitchen, and the bathroom is right beside the fridge. Part of me is always tempted to try out living in a small space just to see if I can do it.

Of course, the problem is, I don't mind suburban sprawl. We live in a spacious part of the world where people can live in houses that have yards. And once you have a yard, and a BBQ, and maybe a few chairs to sit on outside - well then - why wouldn't you want that?

I can definitely understand that one reason for living in the city would be a commuting issue. I don't work in downtown, but when I have to go there, it does make me curse the traffic situation getting out of the burbs. (That is partly a problem with how the city and its outlying areas are designed.)

Maybe I am a little claustrophobic. In our old place, I didn't like how there wasn't much separation in the common areas, such that if hubby was on the phone, I'd have to turn down the TV (or turn up, if I wanted him to get off the phone!) I can't imagine sleeping in a closet just to make more room in the apartment for my kids, or sending my laundry out just to accommodate living in a smaller space. I am a homebody at heart; I think relaxing is best done at home rather than out at some restaurant or club or theatre. (I make exceptions for vacations. Those can only be done away from home. Preferably in some hot, sunny, tropical location.) Besides, it's hard to have a 60 lb dog in an apartment.

I hope this post doesn't come off as "la la la, I love my giant house"* ... instead, I think it's pretty amazing that many of us have the ability to choose our living circumstances. Whether it's living in a basement suite, an apartment, a townhouse, or a house, or with family or in-laws, many of us are fortunate to have a place to live at all. This is just my perspective. Sometimes I think it'd be awesome to live closer to the "action", to be in a more culturally and socially diverse area of the city. Other days, I think living in the suburbs is really pretty good.

Your thoughts?

*I don't have a giant house!

Politicky

We are often asked who we're going to vote for ... in the past week the hubby even received emails urging him to vote for one candidate (Conservative, of course.... the reasoning was that we need a strong Christian voice in Parliament.) Sometimes I wish the politics in Canada were more... polarized. I read an article that described Canada's politicians as "beige" and frankly I think that really fits. I feel like I know way more about the US election than I do about the Canadian one. (That's probably my fault, but I'll just blame the media. Just like Palin!)

I will tell you that I usually don't vote based on religious beliefs, either mine or the candidate's. I tend to think it isn't really relevant what a person believes if they are in political office. Separation of church and state, I guess.

This post has no real point ... but tell me ... how do you vote?

Tara W.

You were a roommate for a short time and it is because of you that I think having a roommate sucks. You took our other roommate's car and put a dent in it, then you "fixed" it, hoping she wouldn't notice. You left your bras lying around the kitchen and living room, you didn't like to clean, and you overcharged us on rent. Then, you tried to evict us even though you weren't even allowed to be subletting to us. I unplugged your telephone every single day just to irritate you. Childish, I know. Oh well.

Debris

Yesterday morning as I drove to work, I passed by a pile of shoes near the centre median of the highway. The shoes were strewn over a distance of probably 20-30 feet or so. As far as I could tell, they were mostly women's shoes, and included several pairs of Crocs (pink) and canvas Keds-like shoes (green and white). Have I ever mentioned my dislike for Crocs? I think it is because they make feet look super wide and I have a thing about how feet should never look wide. Also, they remind me of a hospital nurse's very sturdy/ugly work shoes... but with holes!

This morning, many of the Keds-like shoes were still there... but all of the Crocs were gone.

Could it be that someone crossed a busy highway just to snag those pink Crocs!?

Nancy

I met you in Montreal the summer after high school. We were both there to learn French, although somehow I got put into some sort of advanced class where half the students were Francophones, which I found kind of unfair. You were in a more normal class, so maybe you actually learned something. I lent you my jacket one night when you were cold and you somehow got blood on it... I don't really want to know. We spent our evenings hanging out at the 24-hour Second Cup and you were a great friend. Apparently you also hated your name, since I later learned that you changed it to something totally different - like Jennifer or some name like that.

M.

It's weird that my most vivid memory of you is that once, I was in the same restaurant as you, except you sat behind me and you couldn't see me.... I was with some friends you didn't know, so probably you didn't even guess I was there. I heard you talking with your boyfriend, not because I was eavesdropping, but because I heard my name. You were actually discussing my relationship with the now-hubby and how our relationship was probably going to fail. I was too chicken and non-confrontational at the time to turn around and say "Hello, is that me you're talking about, please stop", so I let it go.

You didn't ask for forgiveness (nor would you really have to, it was so minor) but guess what, I'm giving it to you anyway. Despite whatever some troll thinks of it.

If you're going to insult me

At least have the guts not to do it anonymously. I'm sorry I rejected your comments on my last post, "Anonymous", but this is my blog and I can write whatever I want AND reject whatever commentary I want. You're welcome to repost your comment (but not twice in a row, just hit the button once, genius) with your real name attached. Otherwise, feel free to move on. If you have something to say to me in person, I invite you to do so. I get that you think I'm not a very good Christian. Since there's no name attached to the comments, I can only assume that you are an internet troll.... using Shaw and living in Richmond.

C.

The year I got engaged, you kept asking me about the wedding and when you would get your invite. I wasn't sure if we should invite you because the four of us, we aren't great friends... but that year, you and I served together in ministry, so I thought it'd be rude not to invite you.

After I gave the invite to you, you didn't reply... so when the reply date passed, I had to ask if you and your husband were coming or not. You said that you would be out of town. No big deal, right? I found out today that after you received your invitation, you announced loudly to a group of our mutual friends that you would rather spend money on yourselves than attend our wedding or give us a gift, so you booked a trip to Portland as soon as you knew that you were invited. Maybe you were mad that we didn't give you a very big gift for your wedding (I was a student - it was all I could afford.) Who knows. I'm not offended that you didn't come, but what was the point of telling everyone that you'd rather go to Portland?

Well, you haven't asked me to, but I've decided to forgive you. You probably don't care, but if I don't let this go it'll just bother me forever.

Doris

You were shocked when you found out that I could barely speak Chinese, and you resolved to speak only Chinese to me for the rest of the year. As it turned out, I actually learned some Chinese because you wouldn't speak any English. Too bad it only lasted through high school!

Welcome, guests!

The hubby and I are finally ready to welcome out-of-town guests to our home, as we recently purchased a guest bed for a steal of a deal. Not an actual steal, but pretty darn close. Even cheaper than our own bed (Westin Heavenly Bed! - but without all the plushy goodness of duvets and pillows and shams and such), which I already thought was a fantastic deal. I love our bed, it's super comfy and it's tall enough that the dog can't jump on us in the morning (she's never tried - but she has tried to jump on my in-laws' bed at their house!) I also love our bedroom set because it was my first real grownup furniture.

But the problem is the height. I like it, but other people look at it and think "Wow! That's way too high!"

Well, future guests will be thrilled to know that our guest bed is EVEN HIGHER. Of course part of that is because we bought a bedframe that sits the bed about 10 inches off the ground. Even so, the mattress itself is at least 16 inches tall and the boxspring is pretty regular sized although we ordered a low profile boxspring. Can't complain though when we got a great deal. But it makes me laugh to imagine guests having to literally climb into their bed. Perhaps they could take a running leap.

I tried to convince the hubby that maybe we just don't need the boxspring, but he seems to believe that guests will really like having to jump into bed. Oh well. I'm sure it'll be a comfortable sleep, that is, when they aren't worried about toppling off.

I can't wait to have guests! Ahaha!