Wednesday, November 05, 2008

More relationship stuff

I went out with a good friend recently and we had a long conversation about relationships. We always talk about relationships but this time was different. She told me a lot more than she usually does and I appreciated the open and honest nature of our discussion. One of the things she told me was that she knows a lot of eligible, single guys with many great qualities... but that many of these guys didn't want to enter into a relationship because they were afraid of losing their freedom.

I found this incredible at first - do people really see marriage and commitment as the "old ball and chain", as the great limitation upon personal freedom? I guess so!

She talked about how her pastor had listed the top five benefits to being single, and the top five benefits to being in a relationship. All of the benefits to being single amounted to freedom. All of the benefits to being in a relationship amounted to a lack of loneliness. And that is where I realized that freedom and loneliness are not so far apart. Interesting. I've never thought of that. I've never felt like getting married meant a loss of freedom. Kind of the opposite actually, since I didn't have a ton of freedom while living at home anyway.

Anyway. I'm just rambling today. So here's another unrelated question for you. I'm not sure where I came up with this one, but work with me here.

Let's say you are in a relationship with A. Maybe one that is serious, maybe not that serious, it doesn't really matter. Not married, though, since that throws too much of a wrench in this problem. Let's say that sometime before you had this current relationship with A (it could be months, years even), you had feelings for B, but something just didn't work out. Let's say they were strong feelings, and you were disappointed when the potential fizzled. Let's say that B now has feelings for you and if you gave it a shot, the relationship with B could work out. It could be worse than, the same as, or better than your relationship with A... in other words you don't really know whether it will work out with B. But it could. Let's say you haven't thought about your feelings for B in a long time, but they might still be there.

Question: 1) would you want to know about B's feelings? 2) if you did know, would it affect your relationship with A?

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